Being told that your husband or wife wants a divorce can stop you in your tracks. Even if the relationship has been difficult for a while, hearing the words out loud can make everything suddenly feel very real.
For many people, it’s not just about the end of a marriage. It’s the future you thought you were heading towards that now looks different. That’s a lot to process, and it’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed – even if the separation is, on the surface, amicable.
So what should you do when your partner tells you they want a divorce?
Get Some Advice Early On
One of the most helpful things you can do is speak to a family law solicitor sooner rather than later. That doesn’t mean you’re committing to anything or rushing the process. It simply gives you a clearer idea of where you stand and what your options are.
Getting advice early can help steady things a bit. It gives you a clearer sense of what actually matters right now, and what doesn’t need deciding just yet. It also helps avoid agreeing to something in the moment that doesn’t sit right once you’ve had time to think it through.
Look After Yourself
This might sound obvious, but it’s often the first thing people push aside. Divorce, even when it’s relatively calm, can take an emotional toll. There’s a lot to juggle – practical decisions, conversations, uncertainty – and it can be exhausting.
Lean on the people around you where you can. Friends, family, or even professional support like counselling or a divorce coach can make a real difference. You don’t have to carry everything on your own.
Start Getting a Picture of the Finances
You don’t need to have everything neatly organised straight away, but it can help to start gathering information. That might include details about property, savings, bank accounts, pensions, debts, and mortgages.
Having a rough picture of the finances helps you feel more grounded and prepared when discussions start. It also makes conversations with your solicitor more productive when the time comes.
Think About the Children
If you have children together, they’ll naturally be at the centre of a lot of decisions. At this stage, it can help to start thinking – gently – about practical arrangements. Where will they live? How will time be shared? What will help them feel settled?
If you and your partner can talk these things through calmly, that’s often the best place to start. If not, a family lawyer can help guide those discussions and keep the focus on what’s best for the children.
Keep Communication Open Where Possible
Divorce doesn’t always mean communication has to stop completely. If it feels safe to do so, keeping conversations open can make things feel more manageable and often avoids unnecessary stress later on.
That said, it’s always wise to get legal advice before finalising any agreements. What feels fair in the moment doesn’t always work as well long-term, and it’s important to protect yourself as well as keep things amicable.
Taking the Next Step
Situations like this are something we see regularly at Lund Bennett Family Law. Some people come to us still trying to make sense of what’s happening, others are ready to talk through next steps – and many are somewhere in between. Wherever you are, we’re happy to take things slowly and talk it through.
Sometimes just having a clear, honest conversation can make the road ahead feel a little less uncertain.