It’s something we hear time and time again.
“Courts always favour the mother.”
“Mothers get custody, fathers get weekends.”
It’s a belief that’s been around for years, and for a lot of people, it still feels like the default. But in reality, that’s not how things work.
The law doesn’t start from the position of choosing one parent over the other. It starts somewhere else entirely — with the child.
When decisions are made about where a child should live or how time should be shared, the court’s focus is on what’s in that child’s best interests. Not whether one parent is the mother or the father.
That might sound simple, but it changes the way everything is looked at.
What the court actually looks at
Every family situation is different, so there isn’t a fixed outcome that applies across the board. Instead, the court looks at the bigger picture.
That usually comes down to the day-to-day reality of the child’s life — who they spend time with, what their routine looks like, and what’s likely to keep things steady for them going forward. Practical details matter too — school, home environment, and how care has been shared up to that point.
In many cases, the outcome isn’t about one parent “winning” over the other. It’s about finding a way for both parents to remain involved, where that’s safe and appropriate.
Sometimes it works out as shared care. Other times, one parent ends up doing more of the day-to-day, with the other still very much involved. There isn’t one set pattern — it comes back to what fits that particular family.
Why this belief has stuck around
This idea that mothers are always favoured has been around for a long time. In the past, it was often the case that children stayed mainly with their mums, but that usually reflected how things were already working at home, rather than any rule the courts were following.
Things have shifted over time. More fathers are actively involved in day-to-day parenting, and that’s reflected in the arrangements being made now.
We regularly see fathers securing shared care arrangements, and in some cases, being the primary carer. It isn’t unusual — it just doesn’t always get talked about as much.
How things are looked at now
These days, the focus is on child arrangements — where a child lives and how they spend time with each parent. That shift in language reflects a broader change in approach. It’s less about one parent having control, and more about creating a structure that works for the child.
When parents separate, these worries tend to surface quite quickly. It’s not really about winning or losing — it’s the fear of being pushed out, or not seeing your children as much as you’d hoped.
Letting go of the idea that one parent will automatically be favoured can help shift things a bit. The focus usually comes back to what life will look like for the child — keeping things settled, familiar, and making sure both parents remain part of that where possible.
If parents can talk things through and reach an agreement, that’s often the easiest starting point. When that’s not happening, getting some advice can help steady things and bring a bit more direction to the situation.
We’re here to talk it through
At Lund Bennett Family Law, we speak to parents on both sides of this concern. Some are worried they won’t have enough time with their children. Others are unsure what the other parent might ask for.
Wherever you’re coming from, we’ll talk things through calmly and give you a clear picture of what to expect — without the myths, and without the jargon.
If you’re unsure about your position or just want to understand how arrangements might work in your situation, you’re always welcome to get in touch.
Sometimes a simple conversation is all it takes to make things feel a bit clearer.