There can be a strange expectation around divorce that the person who decided to leave should somehow find it easier.
After all, they made the decision. They knew what was coming. Perhaps they had been thinking about it for months or even years.
But making the decision to end a marriage doesn’t mean you won’t feel the loss of it.
Relief and sadness can exist at the same time. You might know that divorce is the right decision while still missing parts of the life you had together.
Divorce Changes More Than Your Relationship
A marriage isn’t just the relationship between two people. Over the years, an entire life tends to grow around it.
There may be a home, routines, mutual friends, family traditions and plans for the future. If you have children, there will also be decisions to make about how family life will work after separation.
Some changes happen quite quickly. Others only become apparent later.
The first birthday celebrated separately, a change to Christmas arrangements or simply getting used to a home that feels different can all be reminders that life has moved on.
It’s therefore perfectly possible to have wanted the divorce and still find some of those changes difficult.
You Can Be Certain and Still Find It Hard
People sometimes question their decision because they’re upset by what follows.
Feeling sad doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve made the wrong choice. Nor does missing somebody mean that the reasons for separating have disappeared.
Divorce can bring a mixture of emotions, and they don’t always arrive in a neat order. There might be relief one week and anger the next. Something you thought you’d dealt with can suddenly bother you again months later.
There’s no set way you’re supposed to feel simply because you were the person who chose to end the marriage.
Dealing With The Practical Side
Alongside everything happening personally, there are practical matters that often need attention too.
What happens to the family home? How will finances be divided? What arrangements need to be made for the children? Are there pensions, savings or other assets that need to be considered?
These questions can feel particularly difficult when you’re already dealing with a major change in your personal life.
You don’t necessarily have to sort everything at once. What can help is understanding which decisions need making now, which can wait and what your legal position actually is before agreeing to anything.
Finding Your Way Forward
Life after divorce rarely changes overnight.
For most people, it takes time to settle into new routines and work out what the next stage of life is going to look like.
If you’re considering divorce or have already separated, getting legal advice can help you deal with the practical questions while you adjust to everything else that’s changing.
At Lund Bennett Law, we can talk through your circumstances, explain where you stand and help you work out what needs to happen next.