Christmas can be a tough time for separated families, when feelings run high and longstanding routines are disrupted. With children’s time divided between parents’ homes, it is inevitable that many of my clients face bouts of anxiety during the holiday season.
Change is always difficult, but the truth is that whatever your new reality, you always have a choice. You can let it control and define you, or you can choose to take back your power and consciously put yourself back in the driving seat.
These techniques might challenge you at first, but I promise they will help you in the long run.
Worried Christmas won’t be the same as before?
This Christmas is undoubtedly different, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be special. Taking a fresh perspective and attitude will help us make the most of this unique holiday season!
Ask yourself how could you make it better for yourself? What new traditions might you be able to start? Is there anything you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t? By making this Christmas different, you avoid comparing it to Christmases past and instead open up the possibility to create new traditions.
Rather than focusing on what you can’t do, ask yourself what you CAN do.
Are you dreading spending Christmas Day alone?
This holiday season, find a moment of clarity by taking time to evaluate what is it you are facing with honest acknowledgment. Is loneliness your biggest fear on Christmas day? Or do other insecurities plague the festive spirit within you?
Once you’ve identified the root of your feelings, consider how to move forward and conquer it. Jot down all possible ideas – no matter the size or difficulty – then contemplate ways they could become a reality. Taking that first step is crucial in tackling apprehension head-on!
Do you a friend in a similar position? Knowing someone who has already successfully navigated Christmas post-divorce gives you an opportunity to find out what helped them, and what they’ve learnt.
Are you worried how you’ll cope without your children?
If you’ve always spent Christmas Day with your children, this will undoubtedly be challenging.
Make the most of your time together this Christmas and create special moments with loved ones. Let everyone contribute their own unique ideas for fun new traditions that will keep you all smiling! As a family, unison is key – if parents remain positive and upbeat, children are sure to follow suit – these memories made now won’t soon be forgotten!
Remember, Christmas day is just one day, and you can choose to have yours whenever you want. When my children are at their Dad’s for Christmas Day, we have a full-on Christmas on a different weekend – turkey, all the trimmings, stockings, gifts, family over, the lot. They now ask “when’s our Christmas Day this year Mum?”.
Are you angry your ex gets to spend Christmas with the children?
Kids can often see things in a unique light and learning to view the world through their eyes may be difficult at first. However, taking time do this is essential if you want them to feel truly understood and valued by those around them.
- How do they feel?
- What do they want?
- What message would they give you?
Christmas Day can be an especially difficult time for families that are separated – no child wants to see their parents bickering over plans. To make the most of this holiday, try taking a step back and engaging with your ex-partner in a respectful way; take some deep breaths before responding rather than reacting impulsively. Making the effort to do so will help bring peace and joy back into Christmas!
You have the power to shift your focus away from anger about the time you don’t have, to embracing the time you do have with your children.
I don’t want to have to see my ex on Christmas Day
This Christmas, don’t let the fear of an awkward encounter with your ex keep you from enjoying the holidays! A great way to prepare for any potential uncomfortable moments is by using visualisation techniques such as Mind Movies. This technique allows you to envision a positive outcome so that it can become a reality when seeing them in person.
Imagine the scenario complete with emotions and interactions and run it through like a movie in your mind, rehearsing what you want to say. See yourself being composed, confident, and calm.
Take a step back and reanalyse the scene. Assess what could be done to make it even better and keep refining until you feel confident about its outcome.
By visualising the scenario your brain will remember your Mind Movie so when you do see your ex on Christmas Day you can embody the relaxed and assertive you that you imagined.
Choosing how you celebrate Christmas after divorce
When it comes to the holidays, you have a choice about how much energy and thought to give. Instead of worrying endlessly over what could go wrong this year, try taking actionable steps that will make Christmas better for your family – calmness included!
The key to success this Christmas is to shift your focus, stop worrying about Christmas Day, and concentrate on what you can do to make the Christmas holidays as good as it possibly can be.